HALLOWEEN NIGHT You were bartending and wearing your grandmother's ring. I was the really ugly cheerleader and I wish I could see you again.

thanks to Christy Carmody for the great illustrations for this tape!

DON'T WASTE YOUR ENERGY When the sun sets that day is done That's 24 hours that you'll never get back Stop putting off what you need to do You're always talking but you never act and if you need help making your decisions I can make one for you now You can save us both a lot of trouble and I can tell you how Don't waste your energy You know you want me want me want me Make every moment magical Time is ticking, heaven knows What you're doing, it can wait Cuz I'm gonna curl your toes and everyone has their own agenda and my agenda is you So drop everything and get over here cuz there's nothing more important to do You deserve the best the world has to offer and that's me even machines costing hundreds of dollars can't offer you as much and if you don't understand what I'm saying there's a dictionary on the floor by your feet

MY CAT EATS MOTHS My cat eats moths for dinner (3x) and he doesn't even use any salt He says pass the A-1 Moth Sauce (4x) and now he weighs about 20 pounds! Big glob of cat, big glob of cat, big glob of cat Ain't he gettin' fat (4x) Oh my!

ALL YOU DO IS EAT FIrst you ate a whole bag of fritos and topped it off with a bunch of Cheetos You had an order of shish-ka-bobs followed by a half a dozen gobs then you had a substantial piece of cheesesteak followed by another piece of cheesecake you're the one they didn't want to meet when they said you get all you can eat All you do is eat (4x) Stop eating! (2x) When they asked if you wanted soup or salad You said, "Yeah, I'll have the super salad!" Then you left and ate a box of cookies 3 Snickers, 5 Clark bars and a bunch of chookies little batatas from the can 2 loaves of bread and a jar of jam 12 assorted cheeses including guda and brie then you said, "Let's go to KFC!"

IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY, WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME? If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Would you wrap your arms around me? Would you make everything all right? Oh yeah, oh yeah, would you hold it against me? (2x) If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Would you call me an asshole? Would you sue me for harassment? Or would you hold it against me? Or would you hold it against me?

THE EXPANDING TRAY The expanding tray! Bigger and bigger and larger and larger... (2x) It's flimsy and awkward your ice cream fell on the floor Get used to it! Less is more...less is more! You're gonna like what you see...get used to me You're gonna like what you see, now get used to me

LOWER CASE n (as heard on Sesame Street) In an old and far off place there was a lower case n Lonely and cold he would stare off into space and he was known to cry now and then Lower case n, standing on the hill the wind is very still for the lower case n Then one day, a rocketship came racing from the sky It landed on the hill and it opened up a door and something started coming outside Lower case n - he's not lonely anymore Standing on the hill - there are 2 that stand for sure The wind is very still for the lower case n

TURN MY BRAIN OFF Brain off, turn my brain off I don't want to think about it (2x) Even though I'm never gonna like it Even so I'll live it til I die (2x) I lost my best friend, I lost my worst enemy (2x)

RIVER OF NO RETURN (theme from the movie, by Lionel Newman) There is a river, called the river of no return Sometimes it's peaceful & sometimes wild & free Love is a traveller on the river of no return Swept on forever to be lost in stormy seas Well-a-ree, I can hear the river call where that roaring water falls Well-a-ree, I can hear my lover call, come to me I lost my love on the river and forever my life will yearn gone, gone forever, on the river of no return Well-a-ree, well-a-ree she'll never return to me

LEAVE ME ALONE, DO IT YOURSELF AND BUZZ OFF There are times when I cleariy don't care there are times when I really can't bear to have to deal with your petty problem and be the one who has to solve 'em I don't give a damn, I clearly don't care, oh no So leave me alone do it yourself and buzz off So don't complain, cuz it falls on deaf ears I will pretend that I cannot hear Go somewhere else if you need some help or better yet, just do it yourself

TRY THE CHRISTMAS DRINK! C'mon baybee! Try the Christmas drink! (2x) Well it's a drink you only have once a year So c'mon baybee and make with the holiday cheer Well can't you see I'm waiting for goodness sake Baybee c'mon cuz it tastes just like a milkshake! Well Y'oughta have a sign on your forehead that says "Bah humbug!" So c'mon baybee and get with the chug-a-lug! Whoo!

LOW END OF THE CAKE I'm really poor, but I love cake I gotta have some, for goodness' sake I gotta get some, right now I gotta have some, I don't care how It's gotta be cheap, the price can't be steep I want the low end of the cake Happy Birthday to me It ain't my birthday, and cake ain't free I need a reason to spend this dough and cake is where all my money go I'll buy it day old, as long as there's no mold I want the low end of the cake

MY MIDGET MAKES ME MAD My midget makes me mad my midget makes me mad oh I hate it so bad when my midget makes me mad Cuz he, won't wash my car and he won't walk my dog and he's always lying 'round just like a bump on a log Cuz he, smashes my grapes, and he tickles my feet and he always leaves my breakfast lying out in the street Well I suppose that he still must want revenge for the time when I told him that I saw him in THE WIZARD OF OZ Cuz he, drinks my juice box, and he wears a disguise Cuz he thinks then I won't know who ate my microwave fries Well I suppose that he still must be upset from the time when I asked him how the weather was down there Well he sit there and he fidget and he don't do a smidget what he should (2x) Hey there midget! Quit watching Gidget! And get up and get out there and go use that widget!

BED-IN-A-BAG Now's a time when you'll find anything you need But there was once a time that did precede Upon a time across the land Everything was done by hand but we don't chop trees and we don't make shoes but we can put a bed in a bag! They ride stationary bikes and think they're GI Joe They write the short stories and think they're Edgar Allen Poe They can make the grapes taste graper Now they make menthol toilet paper Yeah we can put a man on the moon and we can put a bed in a bag! Things are specially designed for use so it should be simple to deduce if we can put a man in the shoes... Then we can put a bed in a bag!

NOSTALGIA MADE ME SHED A TEAR Last week I decided to take a shortcut to my home Now having walked that way, I"m feeling all alone Cuz it made me remember how I was feeling last November And nostalgia made me shed a tear As I walked down your street for the first time in a year Nostalgia made me shed a tear I got this freaky feeling from a place I used to know and now I still got it, no matter where I go and my eyes started to burn with a yearning that I yearned So I tell myself you can never go back, so stop living in the past get your flag up out there and stop flying it at half mast

BLUE DENIM He's gonna steal his father's money, steal his father's money, steal his father's money for his honey It's so funnee! HAHAHAHA!

YOU'RE A JERK 1,2,3,4,5,6 YOU'RE A JERK!

NUDE FOR SATAN Take off your clothes, take off your clothes, take off your clothes, come on and get naked! (2x) Lascivious and lewd! Baybee when I'm nude - I'm nude for satan! so mote it be...

GREYHOUND BUS The streamlined bus is higher and longer than most buses Passengers look out of the big windows They get a good view as the bus goes along Greyhound bus! (4x) The bus is air-conditioned it is heated in cold weather The bus rides smoothly The seats are comfortable The luggage is kept in the bottom of the bus The bus will stop at stations along the way Passengers may then get out and walk around They may get something to eat Rock over London, rock on Chicago! Greyhound, you leave the driving to us!

HALF OF THE DAMNED Did I make you unhappy? That's what this is about It's about feeling crappy and living in doubt After I got my own coffee I didn't know what to drink and no one could stop me from throwing up in the sink I'm half of the damned (2x) I have so many regrets now I guess I'm not any fun Maybe I don't even know how to tell the moon from the sun Over a whole 5-day weekend You never even said "Boo" and now I'm feeling so weak and I'm getting no strength from you Will you forgive forgive me, will you forget forget me? Oh!

CHINESE GHOST STORY It's a Chinese Ghost Story baybee (3x) Well are you scared? Well listen to me... I'll hold you in my arms and I'll show you that you just shouldn't be Well it's a love story baybee it's timeless and tragical too I get a pain in my chestal area just thinking of you it's Asian spirits searching the world for true love I've got my arm in your arm and baybee it fits like a glove

I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA CRY BUT I FEEL KIND OF HAPPY If you said your love was gone would I say I can't go on I feel like I"m gonna cry but I feel kind of happy If you said that you don't want me Would you still be there to haunt me I feel like I'm gonna cry, but I feel kind of happy Cry baybee, cry, although I don't know why I feel like I'm gonna cry, but I feel kind of happy If you want to desert me it's for sure that you will hurt me I feel like I'm gonna cry but I feel kind of happy If you said that you don't need me Maybe you have only freed me I feel like I'm gonna cry but I feel kind of happy When you tell me you will leave me I will tell you to believe me I'll feel like I'm gonna cry but I'll feel kind of happy

THE CHEAP DETECTIVE Peter Falk flushed a dead man down the toilet. Aaah (2x) Fernando Lamas got the seat slammed on his hand.

ALL MY LOVE FOREVER Forever is a very short time forever is a very short time It was over in the blink of an eye It was over in the blink of an eye and it was over, it was done it was the end, it was empty