BUTTHEAD/BLACKOUT (AEROSMITH VERSION) You're a jerk, I hate you You're an ass, you're a poo You're a jerk, go to hell BUTTHEAD! I know a little...

COULD WE BE SO BORED "Dude, what're we gonna do?" "I don't know dude, I'm pretty bored" "But we can't just sit here, we gotta do something" "but...there's nothing to do" Could we be so bored, could we be so bored Could we be so bored tonight? Sitting here picking my nose checking if the ice cubes have froze the boredom just grows and grows Sitting here with nothing to do I'm watching Steve spit chew look out or he might spit some at you Talking bout the worst way to die We just sit and sigh we're so bored we could cry We're throwing that football around Potato chips all over the ground Spaghetti is all over the ceiling Counting the holes in the tile I can't even work up a smile I'd rather be at a murder trial This is getting annoying it's time to be destroying everything that I see

DREADED GLAUCOMA TEST (2nd verse: Ward Petroskey) What's this stuff in my eyes? It gave me a headache I thought it took an hour, it took two seconds This is a test I gotta take The dreaded glaucoma test You gotta take it if you're 17 the dreaded glaucoma test sit right down and you'll see what I mean I went to Lenscrafters at the mall I had to have glaucoma test or no test at all got so mad, outta the store what do I need that stupid test for went to Pearle, sad to say had to take that stupid test anyway

ELVIS [JAILHOUSE RAPE] (lyrics: Ed-a-go-go) Just got raped in the county jail Got hold of me and I started to wail Then he started to pull out his thing Put it in me and man I started to sing Let's rock, everybody let's rock All the big dudes in the whole cell block be rapin' under key and lock Look out for big black Paul Man Spider Murphy will drive you through the wall 15 year old Jeffrey here for 2 days left on a stretcher and he died from Aids My cellmate is a redneck named Jim no vaseline and it's looking grim 50 guys got me layin' on a chair and the weaselly guys couldn't get none so that sat and stared All the rednecks in the whole cell block be rapin' with their jailhouse cocks Might as well take a piece of you while I'm at it...

FIRST STOMACH OF A COW This is an instrumental.

GEORGE BURNS George Burns - I can't believe I'm still alive George Burns - yeah I'm only 95 George Burns - I'm really God George Burns - I got such a sexy bod Well it's ok that I smoke Havana cigars and it's ok that I hang out in gay bars and it's ok that I caught a lot of sturgeon and it's ok that I'm a compulsive neuro-surgeon George Burns - I wanna play my Atari George Burns - what the hell is Atari? George Burns - I wanna wash my mouth out with soap George Burns - I wanna kiss the Pope George Burns - now I'm a dope smoking freak George Burns - playing hide-and-go-seek George Burns - Well I really love you George Burns - I wanna push and shove you George Burns - I wanna eat my salami George Burns - what the hell is salami? George Burns - yeah I died in World War 2 George Burns - I really love Motley Crue I wanna marry them... Yeah kids, lemme tell ya bout it I was walking down the street, I saw this guy glasses on, big fat cigar in his mouth was wearing a suit, he looked like he was about 95 years old. and he said, "how are ya, how are ya...", no wait, that's not George Burns, but this guy man, I'll tell ya, he looked a lot to me like...someone I call George Burns but it turns out he wasn't, but I wouldn't expect to see George Burns walking down the street anyway in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. But it turned out the guy was really 30 years old and he knocked me flat on my ass - kinda insulted. But, I feel bitter/better about the whole incident now, that's why I'm willing to relate to you the entire facts behind George Burns. Because I know it all about George Burns. Ah, I've read several books on the subject. If you look further down on my resume', you'll see that I once owned one of his garbage cans. Me and George go way back, way back, you know what I'm telling you. I was listening to the radio the other day. and I was thinking about George Burns. I was thinking about, oh, how he shaped America by traveling west along the Louisana river discovering many of our...you know what I'm saying, he made a lot of settlements down there in the south in the 1800's I believe, and I think he really shaped the world. I think that everything came down to George Burns at one time or another, because, George Burns is God! OH GOD! Now I was watching Mtv the other day and I saw a video. A video by They Might Be Giants. And it was a pretty cool tune, let me tell ya. I liked it a lot. But I hate Mtv, so why the hell was I watching it? I don't know...I think the only person who does know is George Burns. Looked like he drove his car with his feet or something. I WANT MY HOSSENFEFFER! George Burns!

HATE You come in here with that attitude You think you're cool, but you are screwed You talk too much diarhea mouth you don't know what you're talking about You're such a narrow minded jerk you are spit and you are dirt if it ain't nice don't say it at all but in your case I'll make that call I hate you (4x)

I GOT THE TAP RAP Well way back in the day I wasn't worth a damn but now I bust more rhymes than your homeboy Sam All you sucker MC's whoever you may be Run Dmc or Kool Moe Dee You say you're deaf, I got a hearing aid for sale you say you're fresh but I think you're stale I got the tap! I got the tap, you gonna rap? (2x) Rock! Well now what this rap really means is that you shouldn't get drunk if you're in your teens or get drunk at all, if you're in your right mind cuz if you do then you're the losing kind If you drink and drive then you're a melonhead cuz you'll either end up jailed or you'll end up dead If you come to my crib you better wise up fast don't roll in the keg, or I'll kick your ass If you get drunk, you'll get me in a rage and I'll scare you off with my big 12-gague When you're holding a can you feel like a man but you need a hand, you can't even stand you look at the clock and say Millertime You're always drunk right out of your mind You're an alcoholic, a stupid little frolic to get a buzz or whatever you call it You can't live without it, you know all about it you say you don't need it but I seriously doubt it! Word!

JESUS IS LORD Well hi! Jesus is lord, Jesus is lord Jesus is our God! He's lord! He's our God! Jesus, mighty king of kings Jesus, hear me sing

KINDNESS KILLS My parents think I'm anorexic They follow me wherever I go I wish I had an empty barrel I wish I had an empty hoe

LITTLE WHITE My flesh is torn away from my body My skin is torn from bone My insides are being ripped away I'm getting blood from a stone I never stop bleeding, my body is a spastic mess I never stop bleeding, I never stop bleeding Electricity shoots through the air I stop breathing then I start again I taste blood and I want to taste more Something's eating it's way through my soul Somebody else is taking my place My limbs feel unattached There's a hole that connects me to the outside world My left and right sides are unmatched

MMM (TASTE BUDS) Taste buds - I can taste the things I wanna eat taste buds - I can taste things sour and sweet taste buds - if I don't get chew I'll have a nicotine fit taste buds - my tongue lashes out it's a guaranteed hit Taste buds!

NOSTRADAMUS They say Nostradamus predicted some presidencies He predicted the Shaw of Iran & the Kennedies They say Nostradamus was great and all knowing but we don't need Nostradamus to show us where we're going I found out he was born in 1503 from a book I got out from the public library but who gives a shit when you've given up hope even if this dude predicted some or the other pope We see it back in history in every goddamn war and fear isn't any good, it never helped before it's easy to hate when you shoot down their planes it's easy to hate when you don't have any brains well people yell and screaming "when's it gonna end?" well stop all your bitchin, and let's just be friends

ONE WHO (co-writ: Linda Petroskey) You pick your nose and eat it you are a slob you think that we don't see it your nickname is "gob" but your name isn't Nick it starts with a "J" you drop your pants for pickwick you think that it's ok it's such a bummer you call us twits you're around all summer and you like to spit you go up to our toilet you were there two hours who knows what you were doing you might be taking a shower

PRETTY O.K. Feeling pretty ok today (3x) I thought it was a good day but I wasn't sure I had to find out for myself if I could endure All my food tastes so good, I don't understand Why is it so different? It usually tastes so bland If I don't wanna go out, take walk down the street I've got my reasons the day still seems complete I just wanna stay inside with an open door because I feel so alive just laying on the floor My clothes seem to fit so well my hair just hangs down my mind is on just what I need my music is my sound

QUACK I want a duck, I want a duck for a pet I want a duck. (repeat all) Oh-ho maybe if Linda takes her feet off the seat then the duck will say "quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack" Nearly gave me a heartattack.

REGGAE ISLAND (lyrics: Tom Ryan) I took a little ride, to an island I know Way out in the Carribean where the cold wind don't blow, mon Yeah I took a little plane ride to this island that I know Yeah flying ain't so bad man, if you got a parachute...you know what I mean Reggae island, woah oh (4x) Yeah there's so many bananas on this island where I live yeah they're all yellow bananas wearing them red bandanas C'mon take a little plane ride with me where the water is so blue you can see right thru and the fishes are all different colors and woah yeah, uh huh woah yeah, uh huh I said a hey mon, I said a hey mon, hey mon C'mon man we're gonna go on a little plane ride way out in the middle of the sea where the fishes are all different colors and the women are one color - dark! C'mon man, a kind of tropical island but don't go to Jamaica mon, don't go to the Cayman islands mon come back to Reggae island C'mon mon, come back to the rastaman and his family...come back to Reggae Island There is so much weed...

SPANISH STUDS BY THE CARD CATALOG Kids got Monday off, they're going like crazee they're leaning by the door, feeling lazy they wanna rock and roll tonight they wanna rock til the early morning light Now they gotta get out of the pool room now they gotta get up to go to school Well, they don't drop the ball they come when you call Spanish studs by the card catalog (repeat all) You see 'em running out on Friday night well you see em smokin' they're as high as a kite they wanna rock and roll forever they wanna rock don't wanna stop ever they gotta stop drinking now they gotta start thinking, yow! now they're gonna be wheelin' and dealin' now they're doing library book stealin'

TOM ATE A BANANA Tom is eating a ba-nan-a eating a Tropicana he's eating a banana that your uncle once ate eating a banana without a plate a banana, Tom is eating Tom is eating a banana now he's eating it, but not a cow Tom is eating a banana with his hand he's eating a banana and it was not planned to eat a banana...theorhetically The day Tom ate the banana and didn't take the sticker off he was not a child anymore Tom ate a banana and I've got a story to tell He's still eating it, I don't know if he'll ever finish eating it - Tom, Tom, Tom!

USED TO BULLSEYE WHOMPRATS I used to bullseye whomprats (3x) when I was back home I used to bullseye whomprats, sure I did I used to bullseye whomprats, you know I did I used to bullseye whomprats when I was back home Big assed whomprats, I used to stomp rats I used to stomp rats into the ground (repeat)

VINYL SPATULA As you call my name, the echo tapers you watch me eat my Necco wafers Sane men look and laugh at me when I show my banana tree

WHALIN' THE SHIT OUT OF GUYS (co-writ: Tom Ryan, Steve Rose) My arms were flailing and I was whalin' the shit out of guys My car was speeding. their heads were bleeding and we're whalin' the shit out of guys! The hate was in my eyes my fists were organized and I was whalin' the shit out of guys Fists and faces were in collison I had that double vision I did some circumcision and I was whalin' the shit out of guys Their heads were filled with wow and flutter I dumped them in a hump in the gutter and I was whalin' the shit out of guys I was breaking potato chips I was rewiring their hips I was pulling off their lips and tweaking their nips and we're kicking the piss out of guys I was in mid-collision it was obstructing my vision They finally put me in prison cause I was whalin' the shit out of guys I was lettin off poisonous gasses I was breakin cheap sunglasses I was kickin their asses and I was kickin the piss out of guys My fists were smoking His neck was choking and I ain't joking and we're whalin' the shit out of guys I was streaking like a comet I was smellin' vomit and I was knocking the crap out of guys Now It's finally over, now I'm sober but I still don't know why why was I whalin the shit out of guys

XYLO Well I think you're better than John Wayne Gacy I think you're cooler, it's true I think you're better than John Wayne Gacy I kind of like you Well I think you're better than John Wayne Gacy I really look up to you I think it was wrong for him to kill those people but it's ok when you do

YOURSELF Trying to be someone you're not it won't be long before you're caught you lost your own life, that's alright you'll get another, you'll just fight you wear a mask to hide the truth eye for eye, and tooth for tooth you got some nerve to change your name there's nobody else to blame but Yourself (3x) You lost your place, you lost your face, yourself You can't escape reality you gotta face it constantly you can run but you won't get far try to hide, but there you are you still exist in memory but you can't escape your destiny I wonder if you'll ever find anybody that's as blind as yourself

ZING! (MICRONAUTS) (writ: Chris Hout) I got back from college, and I was out in the real world. The real world... And I got my friend Kurt and we decided to go over my childhood friend's house, Paul Petrosley We were up in his room just sort of hanging around and something caught my eye something I hadn't seen for so long I saw it. It was the micronauts battlecruiser I was blown away. I hadn't seen that for so long My grandparents had bought me so many of em. I love them! Micronauts are great! They're so fun to play with! Micronauts, mircronauts! I had em out for awhile and they're really cool! The interchangeable world! I just love em! The battlecruiser rules! So I had to put the micronauts away, cuz some people were giving me some shit about it but I still love em...and I'll always love em.