PIECE OF MEAT IN THE TANG There's a piece of meat in the Tang! My dad felt kinda thirsty he thought he'd have some tang he said, "Someone's gonna hang! There's a piece of meat in my Tang!" We saw it floating 'round at the bottom we didn't know what it was My dad said, "What's that thang? Floating around in my tang?" My dad reached for the pitcher my mom said, "That's Tang." My dad said, "I know." There's a piece of meat in the Tang (3x) and I don't give a dang, cause I don't like Tang!

GARAGE BAND "Hey dad, would you mind leaving the car out of the garage tonight? The boys in the band are coming over." "What boys?"

BEING A GREAT GUY When I'm being an idiot, I'm being a great guy and when I'm wearing an oven mitt I'm being a great guy Being a great guy, being a great guy there's nothing to it, I'm gonna do it being a great guy When I'm watching Looney Tunes I'm being a great guy and when I'm watching Silver Spoons I'm being a great guy When I'm using common sense I'm being a great guy and when I've been accused of impotence I'm being a great guy When I'm being an architect I'm being a great guy and when excessive consumption may cause laxative effect, I'm being a great guy When I'm fishing on the Isle of Skye and I said when I'm being a great guy, I'm being a great guy! When I'm drinking my Kool-aid I'm being a great guy and when I convert fahrenheit to centigrade I'm being a great guy

DEPRESSION When I get feeling this way There's nothing that I can say I just sit and stare cuz I feel lost When no one or nothing can help no matter what the cost I keep looking forward, but I don't know why It's all I can do to keep myself from starting to cry Oh-oh-oh It could be any day, it don't matter anyway When you just sit and stare, when you feel lost when no one or nothing can help no matter what the cost You say you don't know where to go then how will you know where to go tomorrow? Oh-oh-oh

MY PANTS GOT DICKED My pants got dicked (3x) and it makes me cry Why oh why does it make me cry (2x) why oh why-i-i-i-i (repeat all twice)

BUY SOME FLOWERS FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND Oh yeah, oh oh oh yeah Buy some flowers, for your girlfriend Flowers - for your girlfriend

LET MY SISTER GO TO KENNYWOOD Let my sister go to Kennywood You know you should I want her away for the rest of the day hey, I'll even pay, yay-hey-hey

QUICKSANDBOX I'm playing in the sandbox! Isn't this fun? I can make stuff, I can make sand castles...we're gonna play in the sandbox and it's gonna be a lot of fun! I'm sinking!! What? I'm sinking!! Oh my God! You're sinking, you're sinking in the sandbox, it's quicksand! Watch out!! Save me! Save me! I can't, I'm sinking in this quicksand!! I gotta get out! Oh no, Mom, Dad help! Oh no, we're gonna sink and we're gonna be dead! We can't get out! You're stupid! We can't get out, we're gonna die! You lost the guitar pick in the quicksand! Oh no!

SHE'S WEARING BLACK She's wearing black, she's wearing black again and she'll wear black every day until she understands she's wearing black, she's wearing black again and she'll wear black everyday until I meet her demands She's wearing black, black, black, hey hey hey I don't know if I will ever see It still remains a mystery I don't even know if it's for sure, oh oh oh oh She's wearing black, she's wearing black again and she'll wear black everyday until I hold her hand Yeah!

YOU CAN OWN YOUR OWN HOME WITHOUT EVEN BREAKING MY HEART You got a feeling down deep in your gut it's colder than a well digger's butt easy as pie, hard as cake you can't go through life without making mistakes but you can own your own home without even breaking my heart You're sick and tired of playing your part but nothing's as good as a gift from the heart your eyes are stunning, but not in Europe your lies are running like maple syrup you can't ride a horse til your foots in the stirrup You work in a sleazy hole in the wall dive where even a fake mustache feels good to be alive ten dollars I spent, once I had paid but it was the biggest waste of money I ever made you know you can't help it when love hurts but I can't help you if you're folding shirts you talk to me til you're out of breath but nothing brings people together like death yeah when you own your own home without even breaking my arm you know your days are numbered you know your dreams are thinner you know you're a sinner so start saving money for my dinner you know it can only hurt you when consistency is a virtue

PLAY PUTTY I lost my play putty, I threw it at a tree now it's gone, it's somewhere on the lawn I really threw it at my sister but it kinda missed her Please buy me some more play putty It's all that makes my life worth living More play putty... I just got it today, but it's already gone away I got it for free from the toys r us company with a cupon from the back of a box of apple jacks where'd it go? Oh-o I've looked everywhere and no one seems to care Please buy me some more play putty it's all that ever makes my life worth living for more play putty, damnit! OHHHHHHHHH...Play putty!

THE DONKEY KONG BLUES Just yesterday I went to the arcade I knew that 100,000 I had it made but I looked and it just wasn't there and I knew I had to care cuz I got the Donkey Kong blues, yeah I got the Donkey Kong blues I gave my shoulders a shrug I started to put a quarter in Dig Dug But I knew I might not make it very high So I thought I might even cry So I put a quarter in Dig Dug Then I found out it was a slug Some other kid pressed the button with his finger he lay Then he started to play

KURT BLUM'S PLAYING MY DRUMS Kurt Blum's playing my drums and I sure hope to hell he doesn't break 'em He's playing some kind of "metal militia" beat and I sure hope to hell he doesn't break 'em you can't even hear our guitars, cuz he's so loud "Kurt, can't you lay down something that isn't quite as busy??"

YOU BETTER BE (OR YOU'RE GONNA BE) I saw my friend on the street he punched me I said what the hell he said you're looking well he said forget the past I said I'll kick your ass he said he was sorry well he's sorry now You better be, or you're gonna be (2x) Well yeah!

BLACKOUT (Black Flag Version) I know a little...

HIGH SCHOOL COOKER'S CLUB THEME High School Cookers, the chosen ones... You will go far, you will find happiness Inside your car, you will watch Happy Days High School Cookers, the chosen ones cooking in cookers, eating the sun you will go far, you will find happiness Inside your car, you will watch Happy Days High School Cookers, the chosen ones looking in lockers, meeting a nun You will go far, you will find happiness pouring your tar, you will watch Daffy Duck High School Cookers, you are a club eyes to the future, bub...

ODE TO A BAND (lyrics: Ellen Macdonald) I hear you on the radio, I watch you on the TV I hear about your concert that I wasn't allowed to go see I wonder what you're doing now as I look at your picture on the wall I'm sitting home alone, you're out somewhere having a ball My dream is to someday meet you although it might never come true I've never seen your face, I've never seen it clear I walk around in wonder of you I walk around in fear I'm gonna meet you someday It's my dream, so there has to be a way...

A SPASM OF EMOTION Do you hear my lonely voice calling your name and I feel your pain and you feel my shame Do you fear my lost eyes looking at you and don't I know what the hell I'm gonna do Can you see just how afraid I really am Because what should be understood is what I can't understand Can you free, can you free me from my mind because if I could only understand who knows what I might find?

APPLEHEADS OF THE FAGGOT Hey you faggot! You are an uncool weirdo! You just fart and crap! Why the hell were you put on earth? Damn you, you turd. You eat craggots and are a retard. Why do you act like such a jerk and schmuck? You are pissed off at me now, aren't you, you wimp? You asshole, I'm gonna kick your ass! You gay homosexual pervert, you eat the liver of a rat. My god, you have shit for brains you gimp. You suck you son of a bitch, you simp, bastard. I'm gonna hit you over the head with a salami, you pencil-neck geek. You are scum and slime you dirtbag. You are a total ignorant ignoramus you lint ball. You stupid and dumb stooge, you stink. Your mother has a beard, you gherkin. You bloodsucking freak, you commie. You maggot, you saw Ghandi 57 times, square. You paperag and coconuthead, you spit on a nun. You skunk and snake, your father eats kitty litter. You dippy whinny screwball dipstick, you are an insane chicken-picker-lickin-stick. You total wang and dorko, you lepfasa in a lingerberry tree, you bisker-baller, queer. You sludgy beef jerky. You're a full-grown midget, you dehydrated bee-bee. You are a hippo, you nag, turk, bozo and idiot. You weird strange, you bought the Colgate pump. You chunky sludge-bag, you whiffen poof. You ate the last Oreo Cookies and Cream Sandwich. You're a flounder face. But...I love you.

SODA JERK He was a jerk, jerk, a soda jerk he gave my soda with a smile jerk, jerk, soda jerk gonna cruise the miracle mile he looked pretty dopey as he poured my Coke he probably shook it up, it's his kind of joke he did it like a bigshot, he looked kinda proud he can pour a drink, and he can prove it to the crowd well I've been ripped off by a Coke machine and I've been ripped off by a human being Jerk, jerk, soda jerk, man he's just a jerk jerk, jerk, soda jerk, always tryin to get out of work Me Chinese, me play joke me put pee-pee in your Coke

23-SECOND MASTERPIECE (this is an instrumental)

BONO BONO MONO (based on U2's "Desire" Well I can't get one to equal one but my poundcake sure weighs a ton and if I get in a rut I'm gonna pull a wire out of your butt and if Sonny Bono gave Bono mono It's be Bono Bono Mono (4x) If U2 did a cover of "I Got You Babe" Would it be a hit? Would critics rave? and Cher and The Edge could walk around town Bang, bang she shot her baby down Burnin', Burnin...Yessir! I used to know a kid, named Bill Nagel I guessed his name and I won a bagel and if I cried 96 tears I'm gonna try to drink John Beers and if John Beers killed Tears For Fears then I'd say, well alright!

BUN IN MOUTH BLUES Oh I don't know where I"m going I'm just standing around (repeat all) My bun fell out of my mouth it done hit the ground Well I lost two teeth and I"m feeling pretty mean I lost a couple of my own teeth and I'm feeling pretty mean I lost them in a fight it was me and Bob against a big old submarine Well I just about lost my patience I'm gonna beat on the brat I just about lost all my patience I'm just gonna beat on the brat Some redneck stole one of the gallons out of my 10 gallon hat --- Jam! Johnny's in the basement, mixing up the medicine I'm on the pavement thinking bout the government the government, the government oh yeah, oh yeah, nobody but me

TWO XTRA DOGS (writ: Dave Sisson) Sittin' around, nothin' to do wanna go out and buy some food needta get someting good to dine Ballpark franks will definitely be fine throw them in the microwave heat them dogs up then I notice the buns there's just not enough a problem like this really drives me crazy are hot dog people just too damn lazy? Two xtra dogs, two xtra dogs I got two xtra dogs, two xtra dogs What's this world coming to? I just don't know what to do two xtra dogs 10 hotdogs, 8 buns the whole hotdog's unity thing is like gone what the hell am I supposed to do I can't eat franks without buns, can you? If I had a dog I could feed them to my pooch but I have a cat and he's not that stupid If we can send a man to the moon how come the bun package doesn't have enough room?

CORN IN TWO WEEKS (based on The Buzzcocks' "Orgasm Addict") Well we threw some popcorn kernels into the ground then we came back later and you know what we found We'll have corn in two weeks (2x) Growing in the backyard, sturdy and tall hot +sweet peppers, but that ain't all It's growing in the heat of the summer sun I'm picking off rabbits with a BB gun There's a sign on our house to let the neighborhood know motorists can read the one on the telephone pole We're making money on vegetables ain't nature great? We'll sell you three ears of corn for $4.98! We didn't need assistance or fertilizer to grow it This is tax free money for corn we don't eat don't you know it? Some people don't wanna buy corn from the store ours is from the garden just knock on our door You better get here before it's all gone be here in 2 weeks at the break of dawn We're gonna sell it! (2x) We'll have corn in 2 weeks!

STOP SPITTING IN THE RUG Whenever you get mad you spit in the rug Baybee, baybee, baybee, get a jug it's really a mess, I must confess I gotta get it cleaned, you know what I mean and if you do it again, I'm gonna leave you Stop spitting in the rug! stop spitting in the rug! I'm gonna be sitting on that rug So stop spitting in the rug! Why do you do it? So you're a little P.O.'ed What's the matter this time did I leave the seat up on the commode? You say it's nothing but water that's worse than our daughter Don't do it no more, like I said before I know I shouldn't be complaining but the rug it needs a draining just cuz you are pregnant, try not to be so bitchy!

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE (co-writ: Steve Rose) Stop fucking around with me (2x) why won't you let me be? why can't you let me live in peace? Stop fucking around with me (3x) what are you fucking around with me for? Asshole! Stop fucking with my mind or I'll load this pistol this time I'll aim it right at your head We'll see who's fucking with who instead

ROCKY TOP (MANIC DEPRESSIVE VERSION) I wish I was on old Rocky Top down in the Tennesse hills ain't no smoke or smog on Rocky Top ain't no telephone bills

MY POOP IS GREEN My poop is green I think you know what I mean My poop is green It has to be believed to be seen It's green, it's green, it's green (2x) My poop is green Don't flush it down yet don't be upset you might say, why is my poop green I don't know, maybe I ate too many beans My poop is green, my poop is green my poop is greener than you ever seen It's green, green, green, green, green, green, green It's green, like mucus Well is your mucus clear, or is your mucus green? I don't know... But my poop is green! It's green, it's green, it's...

WALLOWING IN SELF PITY I don't know what's wrong with me but I know something's not right I don't see why I should feel this way every night But I know why, cuz when I try I think about the problems I have and then I sit and worry and I start feeling bad now it's making me mad I feel like I'm too nice to people and I get down on my knees but I still feel like the mouse that gets killed so the others can have the cheese I want to be more easy-going yeah I want to have some fun everyone else thinks I do but I know I'm having none This has gone on long enough but it goes on all the time I don't want to hear your problems I'm sure you don't wanna hear mine

MARVIN GAYE I went to the bathroom today and appeared to me the ghost of Marvin Gaye and as he arose from the toilet bowl he said, "I'm going to heaven with Nat King Cole"