DREADED GLAUCOMA TEST (see NOW I BLOW MY ABC'S)

MY HEAD"S ON FIRE (see I NEED A PENCIL SHARPENER)

TOM ATE A BANANA (see NOW I BLOW MY ABC'S)

ATTACK OF THE 50 FT WOMAN (see MY LAST TAPE)

LISTENING TO YOUR HEART (see MY LAST TAPE)

NACHO SIN CASA (LP bonus track) (see I NEED A PENCIL SHARPENER)

FEEDING SQUIRRELS FIRE (writ: Jen McFeely) A small creature stuck in the big city what a sad story, what a sick pity I walk through the park and see your confined faces looking for food in all the wrong places teens are feeding squirrels fire laughing and screaming all the while missing your fur, your skin plainly showing up in your tree I see you shaking your fist at them ferociously a simple life you lead, these teens have disagreed for they were feeding squirrels fire it made me sad, made me perspire I stuck a gun up to their temples smiling, showing my dimples and said, NEVER feed squirrels fire...again

NOT OF THIS WORLD (lyrics: Manny Theiner) A sherrif in a pick-up truck a grampa who liked hunting duck a Japanese guy in a business suit a boy named Billy who's really cute a lady engineer from MIT a small southern town called Liberty all were part of a panorama that set the scene for a human drama It was not of this, it was not of this, it was not of this world! (repeat) The thing came down in the meteorite they tried to kill it but it put up a fight it ate the pig and the do and Bruce they chased it through the woods like a wild goose but the engineers made a discovery they found it ate electricity so they made the power plant overload and hoped the alien would explode but the thing just kept on feeding so they held an impromptu meeting Grampa told the plant controller that the alien was bi-polar so they reversed it's polarity averting certain calamity the alien died in a shrapnel shower the whole story only took two hours

POOR LITTLE FLY Poor little fly, it's so sad to see you die drowning in a glass of water but I guess it must be better than to be hit by a fly swatter smashed against the wall by somebody's daughter and she never will feel guilty because nobody caught her Poor little fly, you're not as poor as I drowning in a glass of liquor and it doesn't help me to forget any quicker yes, it only succeeds in making me feel every bit more sicker Poor little fly, I only want to cry looking into the glass of the mirror and it doesn't make things look any clearer and although I don't know why, I am starting to fear her Poor little fly, it's so sad to see you die drowning in a glass of water

KNOCK PEOPLE OVER (see I NEED A PENCIL SHARPENER)

ACTIN' LIKE MEL TORME (co-writ: Manny Theiner) When I'm wearing a black toupee' I'm actin' like Mel Torme' and when I'm eating cream sorbet I'm actin' like Mel Torme' actin' like Mel Torme' actin' like Mel Torme' there's nothing to it, I'm gonna do it actin' like Mel Torme' When I'm watching "Frugal Gourmet" I'm actin' like Mel Torme' and when I'm preparing a party tray I"m actin' like Mel Torme' actin' like Mel Torme' actin' like Mel Torme' there's nothing to it, I"m gonna do it actin' like Mel Torme' When I find a dog that's stray I'm actin' like Mel Torme' and when I'm playing like Robert Cray I"m actin' like Mel Torme' - Get it! When I've got nothing else to say I"m actin' like Mel Torme' and when I"m feeling really gay I AM MEL TORME'! actin' like Mel Torme' sitting on the dock of the bay watching the ships come in actin' like Mel Torme' I said there's nothing to it I'm gonna do it actin' like Mel Torme!

BLACKOUT (KING KONG VERSION) I know a little...

WHALIN' THE SHIT OUT OF GUYS ("Lo Fi" version) My arms were flailing and I was whalin' the shit out of guys! My car was speeding, their heads were bleeding and I was whalin' the shit out of guys The hate was in my eyes My fists were organized and I was whalin' the shit out of guys Fists and faces were in collision I had that double vision I did some circumcision and I was whalin' the shit out of guys I was breaking potato chips I was re-wiring their hips I was pulling off their lips (and tweaking their nips) and I was knocking the crap out of poopheads! I was letting off poisonous gasses I was breaking cheap sunglasses I was kicking their asses! and I was kicking the piss out of guys I felt like Mr. T wearing gold jewelry or Muhammad Ali I gave a frontal lobotomy My eyes were bloody and I couldn't see I'm sure you will agree that I was the Joshua Tree! whalin' the shit out of guys! Now it's finally over, now I'm sober but I still don't know why why was I whalin' the shit out of guys? End it!

SCOTT BAIO WAS SEEN AT THE (LEGENDARY) PINK DOT CONVIENCE STORE BUYING 12 CANS OF TUNA AND A CARTON OF CIGARETTES Scott Baio bought 12 cans of tuna and a carton of cigarettes sometimes he makes a shopping list because sometimes he forgets what he went there for why he went to the pink dot convience store he really doesn't want to have to go there anymore but he's got to cuz he is poor because you don't make as much on "Charles in Charge", as you did on "Happy Days" those were happier days! those were happier days! when Joanie loved Chachi in the American way well ever since Kristy McNichol, Scott's really never been the same and now he's starting to get a shay tired of WIllie Aames he wants to clean house now, yeah he wants to get tough he wants to send ol' Willie back to "8 is Enough" because you don't make as much on "Charles in Charge" as you did on "Happy Days" those were happier days! those were happier days! when your picture was on the cover of "Teen Beat"! Huh! Alright now

I WENT TO CHINATOWN I went to Chinatown, ha-so, ha-so I went to Chinatown, um-de-um-da-lay

MIKEL E. '99 (co-writ: Manny Theiner) Mikel E. '99! brazenly repackaged slime! WYEP is owned and operated primarily by white men! who compromised, again and again Ben Opie thinks you're dopey! Have you poked into this world beat thing? yucchy music won't make phones ring! Quiet drive a nail through your skull! You gave Butch and Moe the axe replaced by yuppie folkie tracks You tore a jazz fans world apart and broke Buck Brice's dying heart You killed him! Old free form days are dead and gone the city responds with a yawn You really deserve this if you hire Scott Mervis! Mikel E. '99 Radio murder is a crime! You're a mollusk!

PIECE OF MEAT IN THE TANG (see DOES ANYONE WANT THIS?)

HARANGUE (LP bonus track) (see I NEED A PENCIL SHARPENER)

GIMME YOUR LUNCH MONEY (see IN CASE OF FIRE THROW THIS IN)

COULD WE BE SO BORED (see NOW I BLOW MY ABC'S)

PANDAMONIUM Pounding pandas off the wall pounding pandas on your skull macrame macaroons I bought a helium baboon lots of pandas wear my clothes I stuck a panda up my nose meeting pandas at the zoo eating pandas in Peru rubbing pandas with steel wool clubbing pandas is real cruel what's black and white and red all over a panda that got run over what's black and white and green all over and panda holding a four leaf clover pounding pandas off the wall pouding pandas on your skull ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

MY FATHER'S TOE (see IN CASE OF FIRE THROW THIS IN)

SIMULATED WOOD (see IN CASE OF FIRE THROW THIS IN)

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON (see MY LAST TAPE)