FUN IN ACAPULCO I'm having fun, I"m having fun in Acapulco, yeah I'm playing rock'n roll, oh yeah I'm having fun, I'm having fun I'm getting sun, from layin under palm treeses I'm feeling all the calm breezes I'm getting sun, I"m having fun Fun, fun, fun, fun in the sun (4x) I'm having fun, I'm watching movies starring Elvis He sure can swing that pelvis! I'm having fun, I'm having fun!

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I DIED 1000 TIMES Thinking about you you know I really miss your love Dreaming about you your bare skin on a bearskin rug (repeat all) Well I've got a thing for you girl (2x) I"ve got a thing for you... I died 1000 times (3x)...Without your love Living without you you know I really miss your touch being without you I miss you baybee oh so much (repeat all) I just don't feel like I"m alive girl (2x) I just don't feel like I"m alive... Just yesterday I saw some birds learning to fly and when I saw those birds it made me want to cry

DISGUSTING FISH Let's discuss disgusting fish, disgusting fish Let's talk about it baybee! (repeat) Oh, let's get it out in the open that's really healthy to do let's get it out in the open it's a good thing to air out the fish! Let's discuss disgusting fish, disgusting fish Let's talk about it baybee! Let's discuss disgusting fish, they don't have lips Let's talk about it baybee! Oh let's get it out in the open that's really healthy to do oh, loose fish sink lips Louis Lips sinks ships Let's discuss disgusting fish, disgusting fish How about it, huh? Let's discuss disgusting fish, disgusting fish (unpronouncable retching noise) Oh let's get it out in the open that's really healthy to do oh Friday is fish day fish and visitors go bad in 3 days! Disgusting! No lips! Yeah...

ABNORMAL BRAIN Abnormal brain, my head is in pain it's pressing against my skull abnormal brain, nothing I can explain no explanation at all In my head it will live in me and it will live in infamy I can't think straight, too much confusion lives I can't relate to relatives abnormal brain, a permanant strain my grey matter is gone abnormal brain, my mind's down the drain there's nothing that it can be on Try not to ask me any questions I can't even answer my mail if you don't use your brain, then you can't use your brain because your brain will start to fail abnormal brain, I cannot be sane there's no help for me abnormal brain, to think is in vain I've lost that ability you'll waste your money if you offer a penny for my thoughts my mental health has me in hell my brain is tied in knots abnormal brain, I can't end it's reign there's nothing else I've ever known abnormal brain, it's always the same me and my head are alone! (3x)

KNUCKLEHEAD Everyday I can't believe you're here you've made losing jobs into a career you certainly have proved to me you don't need brains to get a college degree! You're a knucklehead! Yeah a chucklehead! (2x) You come from a place that's full of hicks yet all you talk about is politics you like sunshine and tomato plants your food is swarming with a hundred ants hard to describe how you smell it's like a mixture of a Taco Bell with some really ugly flatulence and a couple pairs of unwashed pants I can't believe you're still talking to me it makes me wish I had a Spanish CD where can I get a Spanish CD, though? where can I get a sandwich, amigo?

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND Ain't no way I"m celebrating dead people's day Lots of people died, for whom someone cried I won't shed a tear, not even once a year they travel near and far, most of them in their cars and clogging up the parkway I'm not celebrating dead people's day It's not very merry in the cemetary they put the fun back into funeral they make it out to be a carnival they gather together and eat frankfurters and make watermelon baskets and lemonade on dead people's day Some people died from drinking and driving on dead people's day from putting too much alcohol away I have to work on dead people's day I don't mind because double time I get paid! putting out flags on dead people's day because they think veterans are pretty OK everyone's bar-b-quing, even Rod McKuen dead people's day is Morticia's favorite day because she gets to drink blood and party away but I"m not celebrating or even contemplating celebrating dead people's day

I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT POKNIG ANYTHING IN MY BELLYBUTTON I don't wanna to die, but I don't wanna to live This life is draining me, I've got nothing left to give i'm so depressed I'm all alone I've tripped into the psycho zone I'm so damn sad, I feel like shit... and I don't wanna think about poking anything in my bellybutton...no I don't! I don't wanna think about poking anything in my bellybutton (3x) and you can't make me!

NASTY TRICKS TO FOOL YOUR FRIENDS I know some nasty tricks to fool your friends I know some nasty tricks to make them meet their ends Ha-ha-hee, ha-ha-ho-ha-hee-ho (2x) They'll all meet their ends in a variety of contrived ways they'll all meet their ends cuz crime never pays they'll all meet their ends within a few short days when my friends meet their ends I'll finish them off by whatever means it takes I'll finish them off despite the mess it makes the cradle will rock when the bough breaks and my friends meet their ends With friends like these, who needs enemies? (3x)

MARDI GRAS Mardi Gras - I'm having a party! (3x) I'm having a party! But nobody told me Who are all these people? why are they eating my strudel? I didn't even know I had a trampoline who owns that jumping monkey? I guess I'll try to mingle I'll just have to watch my hangnail Everyone's leaving even Steven faces are turning red was it something I said?

WHY GIVE US CANDY? Why give us candy? (3x) when you could give us fruit oh oh it don't mean beans (2x) macaroni and cheese please mommy please why give us candy when you could give us fruit and if you're thinking bout a scooter pie then you can go suck eggs why give us candy when you could give us fruit?

COLD DRINKS I really like cold drinks I really like cold drinks I'll tell you what me thinks Me thinks me likes cold drinks ever since I was a little boy I've always said "Oh boy!" for cold drinks! I really like cold drinks I never pour them down sinks I only drink cold drinks ever since I was a young man I've always planned to have cold drinks I really like cold drinks I think that warm ones really stinks I only drink cold drinks Ever since I grew up I lost count how many I threw up the cold drinks I really like cold drinks I wish I had one right now cuz I like those drinks!

TIRED OF LIFE I don't wanna be topical I'm not living in a tropical paradise it's not nice - I don't like it They say life is what you make it but I don't know if I can take it anymore I'm not sure - I don't like it and I'm tired of life, I"m tired of the pain I'm tired of the strife and I'm tired of the strain I'm tired of stress and being depressed I"m just tired, tired of life I don't wanna be cynical but I"m not at the pinnacle of happiness It's not bliss - I don't like it they say that life goes on but I can't make it to dawn or through the night it's not alright - I don't like it and I talk to myself, cuz that's what you do when nobody else will listen to you and I hate myself and that's the result of feeling like everything is my fault and I just want to die, I want to give up I want to go to sleep and never wake up

KEN SHETTERLY"S CHAINSAW Got a crabapple tree that needs cut down Tired of seeing it's fruit all over the ground it doesn't stop, so it's gotta go but we need a chainsaw you oughta know If I'm gonna do it I need the tool of the trade So ask the guy who's got it, don't be afraid with Ken Shetterly's chainsaw I'm gonna be cutting knocking down the crabapple tree Ken Shetterly's chainsaw is gonna start running it's gonna make a man out of me (3x) Oh I can't wait to pull that starter cord there'll be a big sputter then a big ugly roar shiny little teeth going round and round once I get going won't wanna put it down, down you could charge admission make some people pay but when I yell "timber!", get them out of the way!

ICKY PILL FACE Take your medicine like a man don't make that icky pill face I know that it's got a bad taste but don't make that Icky pill face now I don't like to see you crying and I don't like to see you frown but you've got to make that pill go down don't make that icky pill face don't be a basket case don't make that icky pill face now don't spit it out you know better than that don't you want to be a healthy cat? it's not so bad, it could be worse this pill's gonna keep you from lying in the back of a hearse

THE MAD BOMBER HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm completely mad you see! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! mad as mad can be! with my suitcase tucked up under my arm I surely look like I"d do you know harm but don't make me mad or I'll go into fits and I'll blow you to bits! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm the mad bomber! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Mad like Jeffrey Dahmer! But I wouldn't eat you cuz that would make me gag but I keep my bombs in this little black bag don't make me mad, don't even try cuz I will blow you sky high! (random laughing)

HE CAUGHT IT Well I am my own best friend and I am my worst enemy just we three, myself, I and me oh my body's like a hollow pumpkin skin my whole soul is completely sunken in tomorrow, there is woe and sorrow will follow overhead and under toe when I walk I see that I have no shadow I just can't mend I want to end myself friend and foe

SMALL CASH PRIZE I'm in the winning (4x) I'm gonna win this time I was a loser (4x) so many times before But I've been caught with my pants down for the very last time my pants are definitely up, and I'm gonna win A small cash prize! (2x) I"m playing bingo (4x) I'm so good at this game! I"m feeling lucky (4x) I"m driving you insane! and I've been waiting for so long It took so many tries but tonight I'll settle for nothing less than A small cash prize! (2x) I don't really care about the case of eskimo pies all I really care about is... I'll either walk away a winner or I'll walk away a loser but either way, I'm gonna walk away I'm gonna walk away, I'm gonna get away I'm gonna walk away, I'm gonna get away I'm gonna get away, I"m gonna get on down I"m gonna get away, I'm gonna get on down Gonna get on down, gonna get away get on down, gonna get away with a small cash prize!

I COULDN'T GET THE KEYMAKER TO WORK I got a job at the hardware store today It doesn't have very good pay but the hours are okay so I was fixing up the ball peen hammer display when I heard a voice say, "Hey! Can I have some service today?" I figured this fella must have been talking to me he was holding out a key and said, "Could you please make a copy?" But I couldn't get the keymaker to work I couldn't get the keymaker to work and I felt like a jerk cuz I couldn't get the keymaker to work I"m sure it's not very hard to operate but I couldn't get it to work! I just thought that I could make a key with ease I thought that it would be a breeze but what I made didn't look like keys! The guy slammed his fist on the counter and he started to yell he had a nazi armband as well and he said, "Make zis key, Mach Schnell!!!" The guy took his key and he quickly made for the door he told me that I could be sure that I would never work there no more but I don't know what I"m worried for cuz my old man owns the store!

I SOLD MY DIPLOMA I think I'm headed for a nervous breakdown lately I can't even keep my cake down There's lots of things that I've been taught most of which I have forgot even though I've had my schoolin' I know there's nobody I am foolin' Cuz even though I did pass I can't go to the head of the class cuz even though I made the grade I'm starting to be afraid cuz even though I've learned a lesson now I know I need to be confessin' that even though I've been educated I've got no proof that I have graduated! I sold my diploma, I moved to Tacoma I need a doctor, I"m off my rocker My dog has fleas, I'm on my knees I'm not really stupid, but I just can't prove it

LET'S GO APESHIT (co-writ: Scott Morshhauser) Going apeshit! (apeshit!) Accordion Action! (action!) Going apeshit! (apeshit!) G.I. Joe! (G.I. Joe!) You can make him hold a gun hey kids it's really fun! Action! (Knock yourself out) He's got a big tank and he smells really rank! Action! (Knock yourself out) Let's go apeshit and polka down! I love plastic action figures and you can't make me put them down! You can't get the slip from his kung-fu grip! Action! (Knock yourself out)

I'M GONNA GO TO HAWAII I'm gonna go to Hawaii I'm gonna go to Hawaia Sushi sitting out on the counter Suzy sitting out on the beach I'm gonna go to Hawaii I'm gonna go to Hawaia Tiny bubbles in the wine Large holes in Don Ho Well Aloha means "Hello" and Aloha means "Goodbye" oh oh Oklahoma please don't cry drink some lye! I'm gonna go to Hawaii I'm gonna go to Hawaia off the coast of Waikiki Elton John and Kiki Dee I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be you're gonna give your coconut milk to me I'm gonna go to Hawaii I'm gonna go to Hawaia Won't you speak some English please? But you can't, you're Japanese Aloha! I hear I can get a nice lei around here L-E-I, that is...

THE THING WITH TWO HEADS A doctor dying of cancer, he hasn't long to live he's looking for someone to give him their body for his head before he's dead, like I said He's dying of cancer The transplant was successful on an ape that made it's escape to a store, and with a roar, it ate bananas This thing has two heads (2x) it don't need two beds, just two pillows! So they searched deathrow for a convict volunteer played by Rosey Grier two heads on one body, one's black and one is white something isn't right the doc was pissed, cuz he's prejudiced and he's a bigot - can you dig it? The thing went out the door and it took a little hike and got on a dirt bike a lot of police cars chased it for awhile I didn't smile a lot of police cars fell over cliffs the cops all became stiffs it was boring, I was snoring, I was half asleep Rosey went to see his girlfriend at her home if only she had known that he had an extra head she wouldn't join him in bed the doc threw fits when she cooked grits and other soul food So the doctor got to see his theory proved then his head was removed Rosey was swinging, they started singing "Oh Happy Day"!

BLATBACK (lyrics: Bruce Dabney) I had another of my crazee dreams. I was dreaming about my father's refrigerator for some reason, and I dreamed that the brand name of it was "Blatback". A "Blatback" refrigerator! I must be "losing it"!

OLD ICE CREAM This has been here not since September, but the September before A year and a month If I was on an island and all I had to eat was that ice cream A year and a month I wanna throw it in the garbage! (3x) and then I'd put it on the curb and then they'd take it away!